I'm a patient.

I used to counsel patient, discharge, dispense, and everything. 

But now, i'm the starring. 

Guess how it feels? 

i feel numb, emotion-less, smile-less, without any facial expression, quiet, dumb, deaf, blind.

I seriously can't believe its happening to me.

I'll be fine, I promised. I hate making everyone around me worrying about me. 

I'll be fine. 

a random feeling.

a guy friend of mine (not to say my friend, coz i'm not closed with, fyi). he started a conversation with me, saying that he's depressed or something, over an argument with his girl. and today's topic is: 

The girl is unhappy as the guy did not buy anything for her as a present.

two things to mention right here is:

1. the guy said he doesn't want to waste any money on useless stuffs as he had just bought a house and he needs the money for renovation.

2. he told me the girl insists him to get her an expensive watch

OK. topic started.

do you think females really want/care what present you gave them? Yes la definitely they hope to receive expensive gifts. but seriously, if you can't afford it, do you think we'll be mad at you if you design a card or at least get us a cake? seriously, not at all! Man, it shows your sincerity that at least you put some effort on getting her something!! maybe a cake personally made by you? or just a meal? (seriously, i'll die for that!) Even though females often complained how jealous they are towards their friend who accept expensive gifts from their bfs but if you cant afford, and you're good at something else, i mean like, why not? if the girl still complains when you serve her a meal, then just leave her to death, she's not worth it. well you know what he answered when i said, just get her a card, or a meal etc? he said, "even preparing a meal you will need ingredients!" do you think he's stingy? i personally think he is. Hello!!?!?!? how much a cake will cost you? or those ingredients? crap la! if you dont have a heart, don't even bother! he kept saying she doesn't want any cakes or cheap stuffs, but GUYS, how you know she doesn't want any? are you going to ask, "how about i'll make you a cake to substitute your present for this year?" MAN, ARE YOU SERIOUS?! do i still need to tell you to, make it as a surprise and surprises the girl you love, DEY!! and finally i said, fine, just spend the memorable day with her and make her feel comfortable and promise her to get her something, when you are financially secured. you know what he replied? he said, "if im not financially secured, i won't be able to buy a RM400k house!" 

tell me, is this grandiose? egoism? boastful?

seriously, i cannot accept it lor. 

see, i told you he's not a close friend of mine. 

and i ended up arguing with him over this matter. bahahaha! :D

That's working life. :\

my day was totally ruined when i went to get the signature of the staff nurse for my ward inspection report. i didn't know what's the big deal of this ward inspection because previously i had granted a C grade to my previous ward inspection. and so was this one. The staff nurse who guide me along this ward inspection was not around, and so i approached another staff nurse. she was like super bewildered when she saw the stupid score. she was like, what? C grade? i can't sign this! i have to talk to sister.

:\

f-ed up, i know. 

they were in the room for like, 10 minutes? its getting pretty late and i still have to go back to my in-patient ward supply department. when they are out, they came with a conclusion saying that they disagree with what i had done/written in my report. *gasp*

and they start judging me, asking me tonnes of questions.

Hello? They asked, "how "NOT BERSIH"(unclean) is our bin?trays?"

i feel like punching her on her face. these judges are very subjective! aint they? i was asked to decide what mark to give and now you're questioning about the marks i gave? C'mon!?

they can distort every single facts, you know?! they were given zero mark for the recording of dangerous drug 'cos they did not key in 2 items after they used it. Their reply really make me snorted with laughter. =x they said i was there when they are administrating to the patient and they WILL return after that. just because i was checking in between the time and, err, i was wrong? :\ they misplaced something who looked almost the same from the outlook (e.g. Dextrose into Water for Injection site), and they could blamed THE PACKAGING for looking alike? LOL!

yup. end up its all my fault, they deserve this 100%, or more. :)

i had enough already. =p 

pissed.

you know what? i'm super pissed over the matter of my convocation has been postponed to February. Seriously? dang it. and its not officially announced yet! i just get to know via Facebook. what kind of admin is this? aren't they supposed to inform us say, once they got this piece of effing news? I still remember them telling me that they confirmed with the December 4th date during last month when i made a return to my college. asked them for a thousandth time, and they still said so! just 1 month after that, they made another changes. :\ i had booked all my family's ticket to KL FOR CHRIST's SAKE! -.-" 

i dont care, i need them to compensate my air tickets, its their fault, isnt it? why should they keep on postponing? they might as well as have it delayed till my batch of MBBS students graduate! DRAHhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

holy crap. 

nevermind then, looking forward to this unplanned holiday. :\ coz it costs me a bomb to make flight ticket to February. Furthermore, its NOT OFFICIAL YET without HITAM PUTIHHh! -.-"

for the first time, i hate my school. 

I'm officially graduated yeay!

yup yup! i am now officially graduated as i had done with my last paper on Friday itself. We were really busy on Friday after the paper, Grand Reflection, preparing gifts for the lecturers, compiling my file and writing my logbook (yes i know, i am lazy to not have them done at first, especially the writing the logbook thing), but hey! i was thinking that he doesn't need me to hand in mah, does this explain why to you? hehe.

anyway, you know what? i had made myself a logbook as i can't find my logbook anywhere -_-. so i had made myself one, both me and Christine. haha! we took papers, and stapled it as a book, with the front cover and stuffs! lol. you should have seen it, okay? It's like a primary-school-kid work. but i am friggin' proud! 

and then Bro Radzlan came around and look when I was crapping and bragged about my logbook. Oopsie. And he asked me what's that? hehehe. Hope he's not pissed when he saw this!

We have to get everything quickly done as we have a bowling thing going on on that particular day itself. We bought gifts for the lecturers, but sadly some of them are not around. and ouch! the rest made us cried! =( especially the one last hug. i'm gonna miss you loads!

honestly, i don't want to brag but indeed, they are really good lecturers! its my honor to study in CUCMS and having them taking care of me all these 4 years. They had taught me alot alot of things! academic wise or non-academically. I'm so glad i found this college and was exposed with all these activities including Terendak, PPD, disaster med and much more~~~

Wuu. T_T bye bye Cyberjaya. bye bye CUCMS, bye bye Cyberia (yippie! now i'm outta this effing sick place erwgh) bye bye Siva. >.< lol~

a bad start of a day.

i am so effing pissed off today. was waken up by some anonymous phone calls and i took it. there there. its some kind of calls from those 猪狗 you know what i mean? random phone calls, Malay man.

i kept saying "salah nombor" and he kept calling in. for Christ's sake! what the hell la, just leave me alone, you moron

my patience has a limitation, okay? on the 4th or 5th call, i say out loud "SALAH NOMBOR BAHHHH" wtf. i am really very pissed.

guess what? he called me back again and scolded me off. say "tanya lu baik baik you kurang ajar yada yada, pukimak kau yada yada..." 

i was like -.-" FUCK you, okay?

i cut the line. and he sent me a retard message. 

repeating what he said in the phone.

hello? please? i heard what you said in the fucking phone, so fuck off okay you fucking retard!

:(

there! my mood was ruined from there and then.  

Emo day.

the patient i was clerking today had just passed away (4.24pm). i was there, thinking of getting the BHT for some follow up after i had clerk it during the day. i saw everything, how they try to resuscitate the patient, when her BP is dropping drastically. I was walking in while I saw some Chineses (who are in the midst of 60-70) talking amongst themselves, i reckon is the patient's children. Yes you had heard me correctly. The patient is now 89 years old, and she's turning 90 years old in another 11 more days. Isn't that sad? or should I be happy because she is 89 years old!?

Why I was there when she passed away? i heard the children, or i supposed is the grandchildren (midst of 30-50), telling the doc, so even if you can successfully rescue her today, what about tomorrow and the day after? she will leave us anyhow. I heard that, I can't help but hot tears seem to be squeezing their way to my eyes.

some of them put their ears near to the granny's mouth, trying to make out what's her final wish, her will. then out of a sudden i saw them crying, few of them running from the lift, bursting into tears, all of them. The people in the ward abruptly remain silent, all you can hear is the weeping of the family members, the whole atmosphere was turned into a very grieving one. I can't help, I really can't help too. I can't control my tears, at all, and they started rolling down furiously.

she made me thought of my grandma.

Grandma, you will always be in my heart.


luckily Baskin Robbins with its wed-pink day saved me from all these. :)

:(

i miss you Mr. K~ T_T

oh dear, how can i survive during my working period in sandakan :( cant really imagine.

a friend once told me, the biggest problem in LDR is that you tend to forget how good your partner once treated you, which is so true. when your partner is not around you, how do you expect him to treat you good and to remind you how perfect you are together.

though we're only 1 year+ together, we had done really a lot of things together besides having each other in our lives. :) he's part of my life, and im part of his.

he came up all the way from his place to mines in the middle of the night 3am just because there's a flying cockroach in my room (real huge, you know?)

he came back to his house (with me around) after reaching his workplace in Cyberjaya as i was terrified by a flying cockroach in his room! T.T

he cleans my white pants with coffee stains for me :)

he helps me in applying ointment when i was bitten by mosquitoes >.<

he carries my shopping bag for me :D

he listens to me when i speak :)

he's eager in meeting up my family members and yes, everyone knows about him :)

he's there when i call

he goes all around looking for a linux program for my thesis and helps me in setting up my lappie with linux together with my thesis programs

he still do that even something wrong, and kept on finding the solution even though he's tired after work

he brought me to his hometown, introducing me to his friends

he puts me in the first place :)

he likes what i like and i like what he likes

e.t.c.

and the list goes on >.<

i gotta mark everything down as to remind myself how contented i am towards this relationship :)

arghh! im broke with RM5 in my pocket :( can i survive till the weekend comes?

Never too old to say ‘I do’

Never too old to say ‘I do’

this piece of news really sweet! :)

a pair of elderly couple had found their companionship in the old folk's home they were staying. aww...

isnt that sweet? and this is the first marriage for these two senior citizens!

out of a sudden, i think this is the best thing in the world, having someone to accompany you to continue your journey for the rest of you life, what's greater than having a companion laughing with you even though both of you had lost all ur teeth, what's better than having a companion taking care of you when you are sick, how awesome is kissing, hugging, buying you flowers, take a stroll, when you have nothing to do when you're old and enjoying life?

long live for love! <3

:D

love in elderly people really touches my heart :) especially in movies where they flash back how much they had gone through together. oh yea, i actually can't stop my tears rolling down when i was watching the movie "up". yeah, surprise huh? i was so deeply touched by the love between the elderly, and was so sadden when Ellie left Carl :( i reckon it will be difficult for him to lose his lifetime companion :(

so emo. and sweet. at the same time.

blah~

toodle. =.="

Gratitude

many things happened, and, basically is a no-good thing, definitely.

you know what? the enzyme i was working on supposedly to be ACE, and do you have any idea that ACE has 2 different isoenzymes? where isoenzyme means different amino acid structure of course! and? i was studying of ACE on RAS and this should be ACE1~

guess what?

i had docked all ACE2.

meaning i had taken the wrong enzyme from the start and this ACE2 differs from ACE1 cuz they have a missing pocket. and they usually take it for the screening of SARS medication.

ahha!

yeap, i have to redock everything.

and you know what? linux cannot be opened if you got ur pc reformatted haahaahaa.....

and my pc was reformatted, and i cant get into my linux.

i got jacy's help, with her laptop, i prepare all the files, while preparing? alot of errors went wrong and i have to do it again.

should i be happy or disappointed as why everything happened to me last minute?

in fact, jacy said: you should be grateful you found out its wrong before you continue.

which is very true. i am very grateful i have friends around to help me out, and supervisor kind enough to guide me through by meeting me up later to set up for my whole program (as i am a noob in this and he's the expert)

not forgetting Kenny piglet >.<

he had stayed awake after work for like 7 hours trying to get my pc back to linux again, where he failed, and he's the one to hug me when i was crying tearfully thinking as if the world is going to end, and he's the one who assure me that everything will be okay.

i'd now gained conscious, and i would not let all my fellow people down >.<

i promise i will get everything done before the submission date.

redock? regrid? everything becomes clearer now, i can get through this!! arghghh!!

you really dont want to know how much time i used to spend to look for 1 file, and why this go wrong, why that kenot run in linux. in linux, everything is code/scripts. blah! T.T

ARGH!

MY KITCHEN EFFING STINKS!!!

dont ask me why i dont clean up, okay? it is really in its worst condition, if any of you will be around here to take a sneak peek on my kitchen, i am very sure that you wouldn't want to step into my kitchen, for the rest of your life. (alright, not that bad la.)

you know all those rubbish u cleared in the kitchen? with "kuah", watery, like soup of the maggi, and some gravvy sauces? or whatever you can think of, watery, and stinks? just imagine all the combinations of this, including all those cans, drinks, yada yada, all in a plastic bag, FANTASTIK! that's how you make your house stinks. -.-"

i came back on Sunday, and i realize there are drop/drips of all these stinky stuffs. (like when ure trying to clear the fucking rubbish in the kitchen with all those watery stuff in it, and the plastic bag happens to leak, and those you know? brown drippings from the plastic bag) there you go on how you "patternized" your own floor. -.-" i saw those drips from my house main door to the kitchen. BRAVO. great job T_T

today is the day

today is the day things get stinky and aha! i found another 2 plastic bag hanging on the door knob of the kitchen, and still dripping, fresh! *pukes*

not forget to mention all those unidentified flying creatures surrounding this door knob, scrumptious meal they have!

oh, i had my water supply cut yesterday. GREAT! -.-"

due to some overdue maintenance fees in Cyberia, and they decide to torture us a while, this torturing lasted from 2pm till 8pm. and i cant even shit when i feel like to, cause there's no water -.-"

see? i had an absolutely great life here in cyberia. :) Great place with Great "people".

Nickelback

=( this song made me cry. i miss you daddy. =( i cant even bear the thought of it.